5 Ways To Handle A Messy Spouse

Whether it's dishes in the sink, dirty clothes piles in the bedroom or shoes left lying around, messiness is an issue in many marriages.

You may wonder sometimes, how can two people who successfully manage their finances and may be raising an actual human (or more than 1) have ongoing arguments about how the dishwasher is stacked?

Here are 5 ways to end the couple chore wars for good.

5 Ways to Deal with A Messy Partner

1. Write a list

Have a calm discussion and create your list at a time that suits you both, not when you're in the middle of an argument.

Here is what to include on your list.

• Pick the chores you get a little joy out of. To begin, identify what chores are important to each of you. My husband takes a lot of pride in our timber floors, so cleaning them is on his to-do list while I'm happy to have him far from the cooking responsibilities. Chore charts can be downloaded online if you want to get really organised!

• Pick 3 or 4 Daily Priorities. These are your must-do chores; the jobs that if you only manage to get these done, you can scan your home and it feels that you're on top of things.

• For our house, it's ensuring any washing is folded and put away, the dishwasher is unpacked, and the kitchen bench is clear and wiped down. If it's a weekday, it's also a priority to make sure that schoolbags are either emptied or prepared for the following day.

Note: While it can be helpful to identify the issues you have with their cleaning efforts, it's more helpful to take a proactive approach and work together on taking action – working on solutions rather than problems.

2. Compromise

Are you okay with a load or two of unfolded washing hidden in the spare room for a couple of days but dishes left on the sink do your head in?

Prioritise "immediate" chores and decide how often chores need to be done. Be open to compromise; in the busyness of life, your home won't always look like the pages of an Instagram feed!

3. Be open to negotiation

Life changes so you need to be prepared to adapt your approach to household chores – together. With kids and career changes, chores may increase, or someone may need to take on more of the household load than before.

Compromising will be a constant. You will have to readjust consistently to ensure life runs smoothly.

If your life circumstances have changed, have another chat about dividing the load or draw up a new chart or list. It'll prevent arguments in the future!

You need to be able to do identify what absolutely must change and what you would like to see change.

Keep in mind that you may not get everything you want from your negotiation; what is important is that you make progress.

4. Outsource it

Staying on top of household chores is hard when we're all pushed for time. And who wants to be spending those precious weekend hours together scrubbing the bathroom?

One idea is to outsource the cleaning if it is within your budget .

Websites like Airtasker help you hire people to do a range of tasks for a fee. We spend our cash on material items; why not use it to 'buy' ourselves more leisure time? If you decide to bring in a house cleaner, these are five things you should consider.

If you have older kids, ensure they're doing their fair share of the chores, too.

5. Respect the relationship

For married couples, you promised each other 'till death do us part' not 'till you stop helping with the housework' so speak up if you need help with the workload.

Be kind when you're resolving conflict; going into attach mode won't help the situation.

Don't resort to nit-picking your partner's work, either. If you must bring up the shoddy workmanship, be kind in your critiquing.

Don't dismiss their preferences about what housework they think should be prioritised. Just because you don't agree, it doesn't mean their opinion isn't valid.

Remember to say thank you too – it goes a long way!

A Final Note

This issue will not go away overnight. Practise patience and understand that new habits can take some time to establish.

Try not to fall into the habit of generalizing statements, such as "You always …", "You never …" or "I'm constantly …". Most people stop listening after those words.

This isn't a you vs them situation – it doesn't help to compare who's neater etc. The goal is to create a clean, comfortable home for both of you.